Hope, Healing, and the Holiday Season

Suffering the loss of a loved one is always difficult, but the pain can feel especially intense during holidays and special occasions. During these times, there are frequent reminders of togetherness, joy, and thanksgiving, which can actually heighten feelings of loneliness and emptiness. It can be hard to feel celebratory when  the holiday season is magnifying your pain and grief.

Here are some reminders as we enter the holiday season to help cope with the days ahead and to treat yourself with compassion and grace. 

Talk About Your Grief

“A wound that goes unacknowledged and unwept is a wound that cannot heal.” — John Eldredge. 

Continue to talk about your loved one who has passed. Don’t be afraid to say their name. If you are able to talk candidly, other people are more likely to recognize that you need to remember this special person. It can also help them realize it’s okay for them to talk about them too.

Anticipate and Plan 

For many, the anticipation of the holidays are worse than the actual day itself. Take time to notice what emotions arise as you think about upcoming activities. Is there a sense of dread, sense of excitement, or a neutral feeling? Being caught off guard for holiday celebrations can lead to feelings of increased anxiety, so it may be beneficial to make a plan. Consider making a Plan A and a Plan B. Give yourself permission to change to your backup plan. For example, Plan A could be a holiday dinner or gift exchange. If, on the day of, this activity doesn’t feel right, you are allowed to switch to your backup plan, which could be as simple as staying at home and looking at photos of your loved one or a solo activity that brings you peace. 

Take Care of Yourself

It’s common with loss to be impacted physically. Many people feel fatigued and have sleep and appetite changes. Notice if you are experiencing a lack of energy and honor what your body and mind are telling you. It might be helpful to lower your expectations of what you are capable of physically and emotionally. This could look like taking more naps than usual or leaving social functions earlier than planned.

Spirituality 

If your faith or spirituality is important to you, you may want to consider attending a holiday service or special religious ceremony. For many, this can bring a sense of comfort and peace. 

Traditions: Old and New

There is no one right or wrong way to grieve. You do not have to engage in traditions if they only increase your suffering. Give yourself permission to let go of former traditions if they no longer work for you. It’s up to you to decide which traditions are worth honoring and which ones are best to skip this year.

Honor Your Loved One

Consider incorporating an act of remembrance for your loved one as a way to honor them. This could be as simple as having their favorite side dish or dessert at a meal, lighting a candle, or playing their favorite music.